Redefining Beautiful

During my teenage years I had the self-esteem to just do what I wanted appearance wise.  During my battle with depression/anxiety/infertility my self image and self esteem took a big hit.  I went from being the girl who was once somewhat comfortable in her own skin to one that preferred just to blend in and hope no one noticed me.  I became uncomfortable and ashamed of who I was, I still am somewhat uncomfortable and ashamed of who I let myself become. As a mother I want nothing more than to send a message of what it means to be confident and secure with who you are both inside and out.  So obviously if I want to lead by example, I needed to change some things.

First off...after a lot of time thinking and praying about it; I went back on medication for depression and anxiety management.  I've adjusted well to this, and am feeling much better 90% of the time...I still do have some bad days but I will gladly take one bad day out of every ten. I have escorted some people out of my life and had to redefine some relationships but at the end of the day my little family is what means the most to me. I'm continually striving to further remove negative things from our lives. 

Mentally I'm recovering and trying to figure out who I am. I want to be that girl again who does what she wants, even if it's something that isn't quite blending in with society.  I'm different, and I'm for the most part OK with that.  So...first physical change was my hair! 

For quite a while it's been shoulder length and brown with lots of pesky grey hairs.  So, yesterday a new friend who also happens to be a stylist did something very different to my hair.  Currently I am "color blocked" in three different colors: very deep brown, red, and blonde! At first it was a bit of a shocker but I have decided that I do like it so for the time being it's staying and I don't really care what anyone else thinks about it besides my husband (and he loves it!!). On that note...he calls them my sexy stripes... that one still kind of makes me giggle like a teenager the way he says it!

For now I'll remain the sweet person on the inside, with somewhat of a punk rocker theme on the outside. Yep...I'm a punk rock mama with tattoos and I'm awesome-ish!  Life is just too short to be unhappy, and it's important to be yourself and not conform! 

Introduction!

Hi all!  Figured I should start somewhere and what better place than an introduction to who I am, how I came to be here, and what this temporary blog home will be about. 

I'm Valerie, married to my high school sweetheart Mike, and we have an amazing little boy named Sean.  We reside somewhere in Central Ohio; Mike is the Director of Web Development at a Columbus based firm and I'm fortunate enough that I get to stay at home with our little guy and I couldn't ask for a better job.  I turned 30 last November though I'm still in denial about that. 

Some other interesting things about me are that I'm a recovering self-injurer...more specifically I was a cutter.  Mike and I were shaken with some news earlier on in our marriage that I have a wealth of female problems and we had to start trying to have a family.  We battled infertility for years, suffered pregnancy losses and had given up.  Just when we were at peace with our lives we were beyond blessed by the birth of Sean.  During my struggles with infertility and depression I really lost sight of who I was, what I wanted in life, and enjoyed doing. 

This blog will capture some of my journey as I rediscover myself and interests; there will be random posts about family life, recipes, tips on budgeting, and possibly weight loss.  Here is what I know now... I am a devoted wife and mother,  I really enjoy cooking/baking, reading books, most things Hello Kitty, purses, and make-up.

I want to be the happy and best me I can be....and you are welcome to come along for the ride on achieving that goal!